(Father, By Jin Shangyi, Grabbed from Folk's blog)Last night, my father came in my dream again, his countenance being exactly the same as it was when he left me twenty years ago. Simply leaving a kindly smile, he turned round and left, no matter how I shouted and cried. Then I woke up with a start and couldn't fall asleep. Then suddenly I was overwhelmed by sadness. It seems Father visits me less and less often now. Am I forgetting him? A feeling of guilt rose up in me. He's my Father, and he's now gradually slipping out my mind! I couldn't help shuddering at this thought. No, I will not let this happen, I need to do something! I must recollect as many past memories about him as possible...I should not let them go, and fade away like a piece of washed-out cloth.
I was born into the family when Father was almost 50,and a kid gotten at such an age was usually fondly called " autumn melon" by the local elderlies. I was a shy boy then and those uncles and aunties liked me very much...but partly might be out of my Father, who was a veteran batallion commander in the army. Though Father was a taciturn man of only a few words, he was respected by many people there ( Remember our farm was once a military regiment if you've read some of my earlier entries here). Till now, when some elder people mentioned him, they called him " Commander Qi".
Father was not good at expressing his love for his kids, but we could clearly feel it. When I was 4 or 5 years old, he often carried me around in his strong arms,chatting with fellows, or working in the orchids. I'll never forget those days I spent with Father in the orchids. While he was trimming the apple trees or hoeing the fields, I was just playing around. How happy I was there, chasing after the butterflies or grasshoppers, picking up some beautiful flowers among the grass. As soon as I was out of Father eyes, his magnetic voice would echo among the apple trees, and I just ran back to him as quickly as I could. How much I enjoyed the company of the whispering breeze, the friendly insects among the grass, the singing birds in the woods, and my loving Father.
Later,at 7 years old, I went to a primary school near my home. As I grew older and older, I was getting ridiculously rebellious and didn't like to listen to him. As I sometimes stubbornly stuck to my own idea, no matter right or wrong, I just stupidly insisted on it. Father was annoyed and blamed me sometimes, but never beat me no matter how I behaved ( Luckily I was not too bad then). Even worse, I would quarrel with him sometimes when he hoped to tell me something. It continued to be so for two or three years when something that happened totally changed me.
I was then in Grade Four. As my home was moved to a new place, I had to change my school, which was better than the previous one. However, I could not figure out why my chief teacher disliked me so much. He kept blaming me for my slips and errors so much that I thought he'd made too much fuss about it. Nevertheless, I felt lucky that the man had never beat me in class, as I'd seen so many classmates beaten and kicked by him in class. I was even frightened thinking of him as a monster.
Then came the time I made another mistake. The monster teacher ordered me to tell my parents that he needed to talk with them. Instead of telling my mother, I asked Father to see the teacher. My father had just recovered from a serious stroke and had to walk with the help of a stick. Hearing this, he was angry with me but agreed to see the teacher himself. I could never forget how Father managed to walk to school. For a sound person as I was, it only took me about 15minutes to get there,but it would be quite a journey for a patient like him. I followed far behind him, saw him walking and taking a rest to recollect some strength. My eyes were suddenly filled with tears and felt so sorry about what I had done then. From that moment, I'd made up my mind, " Be good, boy!" Then, a "bad" boy gradually turned into an example for all the other students in that small school, till I left there.
Father left me when I was in Junior Three and that night has been engraved in my mind forever. It was almost the end of the semester and I often stayed up quite late those days. Father was not feeling well several days ago, and Mom and I were really worried about it. As I slept in the same room with him, Mom told me to be more alert about him. One night, exhausted with a long time of hard study, I was ready to go to bed. As I lay down in bed, I noticed Father's face looked wax yellow, and his eyes opened a while and had a glimpse of me...then they were closed. And I hadn't expected it was the last look at me from my Father!
The next morning, while I was having classes at school, an uncle came to my class and asked me to go back home. Then I knew Father had left me,without saying anything to me. How regretful I was for my carelessness the night before!And from that night, I lost my father forever!
Now, twenty years are gone,and I have a son of my own. Time seems so powerful to fade anything away. Sometimes I feel scared to recall Father's countenance...Sometimes it's become so vague and is fading away!I'm so ashamed of it that I really feel painful. I should not forget my own Father!
Then,everything is rushing in my mind, with those old memories..and I found myself missing my father so much! As my fingers were typing on the keyboard, the letters on the screen became so misty and blurry...Then I realized my eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't help it.....
I was born into the family when Father was almost 50,and a kid gotten at such an age was usually fondly called " autumn melon" by the local elderlies. I was a shy boy then and those uncles and aunties liked me very much...but partly might be out of my Father, who was a veteran batallion commander in the army. Though Father was a taciturn man of only a few words, he was respected by many people there ( Remember our farm was once a military regiment if you've read some of my earlier entries here). Till now, when some elder people mentioned him, they called him " Commander Qi".
Father was not good at expressing his love for his kids, but we could clearly feel it. When I was 4 or 5 years old, he often carried me around in his strong arms,chatting with fellows, or working in the orchids. I'll never forget those days I spent with Father in the orchids. While he was trimming the apple trees or hoeing the fields, I was just playing around. How happy I was there, chasing after the butterflies or grasshoppers, picking up some beautiful flowers among the grass. As soon as I was out of Father eyes, his magnetic voice would echo among the apple trees, and I just ran back to him as quickly as I could. How much I enjoyed the company of the whispering breeze, the friendly insects among the grass, the singing birds in the woods, and my loving Father.
Later,at 7 years old, I went to a primary school near my home. As I grew older and older, I was getting ridiculously rebellious and didn't like to listen to him. As I sometimes stubbornly stuck to my own idea, no matter right or wrong, I just stupidly insisted on it. Father was annoyed and blamed me sometimes, but never beat me no matter how I behaved ( Luckily I was not too bad then). Even worse, I would quarrel with him sometimes when he hoped to tell me something. It continued to be so for two or three years when something that happened totally changed me.
I was then in Grade Four. As my home was moved to a new place, I had to change my school, which was better than the previous one. However, I could not figure out why my chief teacher disliked me so much. He kept blaming me for my slips and errors so much that I thought he'd made too much fuss about it. Nevertheless, I felt lucky that the man had never beat me in class, as I'd seen so many classmates beaten and kicked by him in class. I was even frightened thinking of him as a monster.
Then came the time I made another mistake. The monster teacher ordered me to tell my parents that he needed to talk with them. Instead of telling my mother, I asked Father to see the teacher. My father had just recovered from a serious stroke and had to walk with the help of a stick. Hearing this, he was angry with me but agreed to see the teacher himself. I could never forget how Father managed to walk to school. For a sound person as I was, it only took me about 15minutes to get there,but it would be quite a journey for a patient like him. I followed far behind him, saw him walking and taking a rest to recollect some strength. My eyes were suddenly filled with tears and felt so sorry about what I had done then. From that moment, I'd made up my mind, " Be good, boy!" Then, a "bad" boy gradually turned into an example for all the other students in that small school, till I left there.
Father left me when I was in Junior Three and that night has been engraved in my mind forever. It was almost the end of the semester and I often stayed up quite late those days. Father was not feeling well several days ago, and Mom and I were really worried about it. As I slept in the same room with him, Mom told me to be more alert about him. One night, exhausted with a long time of hard study, I was ready to go to bed. As I lay down in bed, I noticed Father's face looked wax yellow, and his eyes opened a while and had a glimpse of me...then they were closed. And I hadn't expected it was the last look at me from my Father!
The next morning, while I was having classes at school, an uncle came to my class and asked me to go back home. Then I knew Father had left me,without saying anything to me. How regretful I was for my carelessness the night before!And from that night, I lost my father forever!
Now, twenty years are gone,and I have a son of my own. Time seems so powerful to fade anything away. Sometimes I feel scared to recall Father's countenance...Sometimes it's become so vague and is fading away!I'm so ashamed of it that I really feel painful. I should not forget my own Father!
Then,everything is rushing in my mind, with those old memories..and I found myself missing my father so much! As my fingers were typing on the keyboard, the letters on the screen became so misty and blurry...Then I realized my eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't help it.....
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